January. China lands a spacecraft on the dark side of the moon. People wonder if they listened to Pink Floyd on the way there.
February. The world’s best ski jumper, Matti Nykänen, dies. Alko narrowly avoids bankruptcy and Finland loses its best presidential candidate.
March. Led by Greta Thunberg, a million children all over the world go on strike. Top child employers Nestlé, H&M, Marlboro, Microsoft and Apple suffer massive losses. Kids go on to save the planet, as the adults were doing it all wrong.
April. Ukraine elects a comedian as president. This put smiles on the faces of other clowns running the world today.
May. Meanwhile in America, Denver legalises magic mushrooms, a number of schools in the United States suffer mass shootings and teachers complain they are not getting paid enough.
June. Donald Trump pops in to North Korea to further his bromance with Kim Jong-un. Only a few months earlier, Donald revealed they had fallen in love and exchange beautiful letters. June also saw 22 women publicly accuse Trump of sexual misconduct.
July. Most of Europe suffers a heatwave, Lapland remains cool.
August. The Amazon rainforest burns. Media blame Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro for the fires. In a strange turn of events, Jair Bolsonaro claims it was actually American actor Leonardo DiCaprio who started the fires.
September. 178-year-old British travel firm Thomas Cook goes bankrupt and 600,000 people are forced to stay on holiday.
October. The UK promises to leave the European Union on 31 October. Amazingly, it doesn’t happen.
November. 11,000 scientists around the globe warn that planet Earth is facing a climate emergency. Italy declares a state of emergency as the already flooded city of Venice suffers floods.
December. Finland celebrates 102 years of independence. Crazy festivities break out all over the country with the entire population lighting candles and watching television.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!