January
COVID-19 arrives in Europe. No need to worry, it’s like flu. Avoid travelling to Wuhan and think carefully before eating a bat.
February
The cause of the coronavirus is finally found. 5G is to blame and brave British heroes start burning down masts in the UK. Brits can’t get on the internet, but COVID-19 avoids the UK, as the virus fails to spread without 5G connectivity.
March
Finland scores a happiness hattrick at the UN. Happy-go-lucky Finns continue smiling behind their face masks as they joyfully practice their new hand washing skills. Toilet paper causes a national emergency.
April
Restaurants and bars close throughout Finland. Finland becomes the unhappiest nation in the world.
Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong Un dies, according to media reports.
Donald Trump advises people to inject disinfectant. People around the world wait for him to set an example and be the first one to try this miracle cure.
May
George Floyd can’t breathe. People realise Black Lives Matter. People of all other colours debate if their lives matter too and are condemned for doing so. The word “racism” is used for the first time in history.
June
Bars are open again. Happiness breaks all previous records in Finland but takes a huge dive the next morning.
At the same time, Finland gets new traffic laws. The new rules cause enormous confusion among drunk drivers, but gender-neutral people start understanding rules and have less accidents.
July
Donald Trump tries social media platform TikTok and hates it, as someone made fun of him. The president decides to stick to using other channels, such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, as these social media giants love him and would never let him down.
August
An otherwise peaceful Beirut explodes. Lebanese officials learn the hard way that storing explosives next to a fireworks warehouse is not a good idea.
Meanwhile, Finns try to come up with a good adjective to describe Senator Harris.
September
After leaving the royal family in January, as they didn’t like the media attention, Prince Harry and Meghan decide to lay low and become Hollywood producers.
October
Trump gets the China virus and survives. People around the world rejoice.
Meanwhile, after over a decade of trying to persuade Finns to talk about their problems, the Vastaamo psychotherapy clinic decides that sharing is caring.
November
The Divided States of America chooses Joe Biden to be their next president. Trump exclaims that losing actually means winning “by a lot”. Losers all over the world become winners overnight.
December
Maria Van Kerkhove, leader of COVID-19 at the World Health Organization, told the world that Santa Claus and the Elves were actually immune to the coronavirus. Normally, this would cause a panic at the Arctic Circle, but fortunately the Finnish Government had time to kill Lapland’s tourist industry first.